Monday, 20 October 2008

Up Naija!

The Nigerian Independence Day was on the 1st of October, so I am dedicating this post to my naija people. I apologise to my friends from other countries, this will be my one indulgence.

Do you have a Nigerian passport? Yes? Good for you! Congratulations you have become part of the privileged few who have the exclusive right to spread their wealth around the continent. Once you get to an immigration check point, especially in francophone West Africa, pull out your passport with confidence (they’ll smile at you with a knowing look and say, ‘ah Nigeria’) because you’re going to be asked to donate part of your ill-gotten wealth to the military men, police officers, and immigration officers on duty.

Look, it doesn’t matter if you’ve never done anything dishonest in your life. After all, the less than 2 million fraudsters in Nigeria are related to you (the remaining 138 million) and you should pay for their sins. The sins of your country man shall be visited on you. Don’t complain or else you may be given a body search or manhandled or just generally threatened with arrest.

It’s ok though because if you’re in public transport all the other passengers will be looking out for you, urging you to pay up so that the bus can leave on time and we can all get to our destination on time. Even if you don’t have the money, (why shouldn’t you anyway, Naija is richest country in Africa, No?) some kind-hearted fellow passenger will pay on your behalf or plead with the officer on your behalf. You see didn’t I say we were privileged?

It has nothing to do with the colour of your passport, because nearly every country in West Africa now uses a green passport. Rather, it has more to do with the coat of arms on your Nigerian passport. It has ‘Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress’. Unity: we are united with all the fraudsters and drug dealers in Nigeria. Faith: we have faith in their abilities. Peace: When we spread the wealth we promote peace in Africa. Progress: Law enforcement agents in Africa need our wealth to progress.

So the next time you’re in a francophone country like Guinea and you’re asked for your passport, bring it out with confidence because as we all know, ‘Naija no dey carry last!’ Unity and faith, peace and progress. Up Naija! Up Amala! Up Kilishi! Up Isi-ewu! Up pepper soup!

6 comments:

Bibi said...

What can I say, before we even open our mouths to speak they know we're from Naija. Anyways, I enjoy reading your blog but this is the first time I would leave a comment. Just would like to acknowledge all the work you and your team have put in to sell our beautiful continent..Africa! It's Inspiring.

Standtall said...

Thanks for the spirit lifting message. Up Naija no matter what! We will flush out corruption together. We will hold our own any time

!!Estella!! said...

ha ha ha!

I fell you on that gurl!

last time I pulled out my Nigerian passport at a border (by road), I ended up paying equivalent of $100 in their currency....and I am not sure if its because I am naija or because I have European, US, Canada etc visas stamped in it....(confused)...

Sometimes, carrying a Naija passport is NOT the best! Cos you will 'suffer' a little for all the 419s crooks have committed!

Anonymous said...

Did it occur to you that your comments about Nigeria are a direct contradiction of the stated purpose of your project? How do your comments "Celebrate Africa"? To be candid with you, I really believe that your comments are a precipitate of the negative impression of your own country that has permeated the deepest recesses of your mind. You'd probably do well to FIRST learn to celebrate Naija, warts and all, before you embark of junkets all over the continent.

caribbeanisland said...

LOL LOL LOL. You made me laugh so much. It reminded me that Jamaica has the same 'fame' especially within the UK.

Before anyone raises an eyebrow I'm UK-born of Jamaican descent!

Anonymous said...

I really hope that stupid 419 stereotype stops getting pasted on everyone in Nigeria. I mean, for the past few years I've had those emails from several other countries (some not even African!), I'm sure many other people have too, and people *still* don't get that it's not just a Nigerian thing and not an all-Nigerian thing?